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Monday, September 12, 2016

Not tonight, honey, I have a headache: 5 Things that Kill the Mood

If you're here and reading this, then, like all of us, you like to fling open the bedroom door and get your fictional freak on. Welcome! You're in good company ;-) As both an avid reader and writer of erotic romance, I've read a lot of sex scenes. Some of them had me dragging my husband upstairs or running to take a cold shower. Others left me shaking my head. I've even been known to laugh out loud at times (which I'm positive was not the authors intention). 

So, I've wondered, what is it about certain sex scenes that don't do it for me? What do those authors do that kill the mood? Here are my top five things that will make me roll over and cry headache... 

1. The "C" Word -- No, I'm not talking about cum. I'm talking about that nasty four-letter word that's used to describe the female anatomy, or often hurled as the ultimate insult. C-U-N-T. I absolutely hate this word. There's nothing sexy about it, and every single time I encounter it in a book, I physically cringe. Every. Single. Time. Please, please use something else. I beg you. 

2. Paging Dr. Penis -- I read a book once wherein the heroine either thought or said something to the effect of, "I can't wait to feel his penis inside of me." *Insert screeching air brakes sound* Nope. Cue the laughing. I'm sorry, but penis is such a clinical sounding term. If it's in a romance, it had best be used in a medical setting or by a parent having "the talk" with their kid. Seriously, I'd rather read the word "cock" or "dick" a bazillion times.

3. Say What? -- Now, I'm all for dirty talk. In fact, I find sex scenes without dialogue to be boring, and I generally skim read or skip them. But throw in some hawt dirty talk? Woo, now we're talking! However, if the dirty talk reads like it was lifted from a porno script, I'm outta there! Don't allow characters to lose their personalities simply because they've lost their clothing. 

4. No Doesn't Really Mean No, Does It? -- Lack of consent leading up to and during a sex scene will make me stop reading completely. I will put the book down and walk away. And silence does not equal consent. A perfect example... In a recent read, the hero tries to get busy with the heroine while she's at work. The heroine verbally says, "We can't do this here." To me, that's a big fat NO! But the hero, refusing to be swayed, keeps kissing her and tempting her. Eventually, she gets all hot and bothered and then they have mind blowing sex. I mean, is there any other kind? This isn't sexy. This is rape-y, and with the rape culture being what it is in today's society, this not okay. At all. Ever. Period. Full stop. 

5. The Never-ending Erection -- Okay, I get that this is fiction, and if the sex was portrayed realistically, people wouldn't read it. But c'mon! When the hero gets off in the heroine's mouth and then 2.3 seconds later he's rock hard again and pounding away inside of her... Let the eye rolling begin. Unless he's popped a little blue pill, give him a little bit of time to recoup. 

Remember, reading is a personal and subjective activity. What kills it for me might be the thing to get your libido running. So, sound off in the comments. What kills the mood for you? 

~ Lexi ~ 

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